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|Thursday, March 21st, 2013|
Wow. Just wow. Read my July 29th, 2009 post, and all that I can say is history is repeating itself.-Note to self, forgive spelling errors here-. Jenn and I are done. Yes, I may have been a little shitty to her in the past 12 months, but what the fuck man? You called back your landlord, a guy you barely knew, and laid out what is going on on the table for him. He said that he felt uncomfortable for you from the start, and that he felt uncomfortable like for the fact that she would wear low cut sports bras around him when he came in to fix stuff, etc. He has your back. A guy that has known you in person for 3 hours tops besides the rent check. This is the most objective you are going to get. Not mom, not Mike, not mutual friends. Holy shit. Thank god you did not marry her or get her pregnant. And her extended family? Jesus Christ! This will cost you in the end, but remember a few pearls from that last post.
-Greatly reduce or stop drinking.
-Definitely stop smoking
-Head meds may be an excellent thing, just be careful about records and such.
-Stop stressing so much over work. Yes it sucks, but you really think that they will fire you? Suck it up and work a little smarter.
-Yes, you two were broken up, but she broke the pact. Probably fucking that guy right now, and probably fucked Dustin all the time in Austin.
-You got hit on while deathly ill not once, but twice at Holiday market.
-Going back into the service may be one of the smartest things that you ever do.
-Thank god you have an emergency fund.
-Do not burn up said emergency fund on bullshit.
-That bit of money put aside for a ring will buy you a good 1911 pistol.
-Even Mike alluded to that Mom was right about his ex, and about this. Hell got a little bit colder.
-Selling all your shit and moving in with room mates to bank money is a crap shoot. May be what is needed to get back to the east coast.
-Janet may be able to front you a room. Or Scott
-You are still young enough to start a family
-Be a fucking monk for a long time. Sex is over-rated-highly.
-Lock up your pills from the beast. She will probably take the shit you need for sleep and snort it.
Happy Jim, here I am, I started a journal again, woo-hoo!
-I make a positive difference in ppl's lives every day. They depend on me, and some love me, though barely knowing me. first and foremost be there for yourself, and then everyone else. Love yourself. If you do not you are screwed. Figure out why you do not, fix yourself, and then move on to the next project. You have a mother and brother that love you. Tap into them if you need to. They are your allies, even after all this time.
-Love yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself.
-Forgive yourself, forgive yourself, forgive yourself.
-Fin for now.
|Sunday, August 23rd, 2009|
Weekend with Jennifer and family. First day of school. New job starting soon.
|Wednesday, July 29th, 2009|
Drove up to Chico on the death road (route 99). California Drivers seem to suck even worse when you are in a rush.
Arrived, got everything straightened out. Somehow, I am not overly joyous, but I guess it will hit me later.
Now all I have to do is find a job, and take one day at a time.
|Sunday, July 23rd, 2006|
I spent a few days in San Fran with Sam, and a day driving around in Nappa. Driving, not walking, mind you because it was 113 degrees out. How do I know that? Besides the fact that I saw no less than 3 ppl frying eggs on the sidewalk, the car computer said so. We had a good time, but the trip was plagued with little hiccups, and big hiccups, but nonetheless went well. Or not. If you know what I mean. She is still there, and I am still here.
Still breathing, good stuff.
More to come.
|Sunday, June 25th, 2006|
|BTW, fuck palestine
I just got done with watching Munich. I would just like to say fuck Palestine, fuck anyone who goes against us. These pieces of shit deserve to have me rub bacon on my bullets and send them to their supposed Allah.
We will win this war, and we will not allow these fuckers to come to power again. I am planning hopefully to become a more direct part in their downfall, only time will tell.
|Friday, May 12th, 2006|
How about this for an original post. Fuck everything around me as of late. Friends, GF, workplace, school, life in general. Too pissed off to care.
|Saturday, April 22nd, 2006|
|You Are 30 Years Old|
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.
Hmmm, a few years off I would say.
|Thursday, March 23rd, 2006|
Woohoo, I get some Sam time next week! I am almost beside myself. Snowboarding, hiking, skydiving, and...other stuff ;-).
Things are going well here. Right after I get back from Leave, I get to go to Airmen Leadership school, and right after that I will get a raise of about $450 a month. Not too shabby. What will I spend this on you ask? Well, probably plane ticks to Colorado, but also a new car if possible. Yup, time to trade in my beatiful dented baby for a new model.
My brother is not getting married BTW, and I am happy as hell. Its about friggan time. the date set is Oct 14th. I may not be able to make it, we will see. I will try my hardest.
I am thinking of upgrading my laptop, seeing that I speng 90% of the time on it anyway. Boost the RAM to 2 GB from 1, new video card. Mmmmmm, I get all excited when it comes to upgrades!
Anywho, I get a half day tomorrow, go me!
|Thursday, February 16th, 2006|
Valentines day. God I hate this holiday. For the longest time I did not have anyone to send anything to. This time I do, but it hurts a little more because they are 1200 miles away. I sent Sam an awesome bouquet with orchids, lillys, and roses, with a cool stained glass vase. Yup, she dug them...
I technically went AWOL the weekend before last to go see her. It was a spur of the moment trip, and it went beautifully. Except that I am beginning to hate flying. These seats are not made for 6'2" 200lb Irishmen. We spent most of the time in, I cooked a few times, she would make breakfast. We got to go on a real "date" for the first time. Kind of funny. I told her I wanted to go to this hole in the wall resturant-mexican- that I really liked when I lived in the springs. It turns out that it was a place that her and her family used to go to when she lived here previously, and that she used to love to go there for her birthday. Nice.
Apparently the last really serious guy she dated only came to visit her twice when they were apart-over a 2 year period. I managed to get there within a few weeks. "Major points" she said. And unlike any woman I have dated, she will be coming to see me as well.
I really like this girl, perhaps even the other "l" word. I care about her alot, and I can see myself with her for a long time. This is a part where I am a bit wary, and so is she. Both of us have been burned pretty badly. I just want to be there for her and make her feel like the beautiful woman that she is. I pray that I do not fail.
I just hope I can do the right things to keep her.
The head honcho gets here next week back from training. Yes, we will have a sit down. Queen bitch in my clinic will have her ass handed to her, and if not, I will do my best to make her life miserable. She makes this place a downright hostile place to work. And I refuse to do work that way.
Besides that, not too much going on. Major headache right now, time for night night.
|Sunday, January 29th, 2006|
Forest Gump is one of those movies that I need to remember really not to watch unless I am in the mood, definitely tear up on that one a bit, especially the Jungle scene. However, one thing that bugged me this time around was the character Jenny. She outwardly does not want Forest to save her, but then comes right back to him for comfort and support when she is down on her luck. By providing this support, Forest is not trying to get a piece, he is just doing what he knows is right, taking care of and defending what he considers a good friend. In the end she finally shacks up with him and dumps off their son, so she could slowly die of (presumably) AIDS. Besides the obvious medical implications on whether or not our good buddy Forest might possibly be infected with HIV or whatever else Jenny and her free soul were incubating, I think it was a sham that in the end when she has no where left to turn now Forest is good enough for her. There is unconditional love, and then, well there is getting taken advantage of.
I call shananigans!
When it comes to love, I think we all can be a Forest from time to time.
|Friday, January 27th, 2006|
Somewhat accurate I would think.
BLUES are motivated by INTIMACY, seek opportunities
to genuinely connect with others, and need to
be appreciated. They do everything with
quality and are devoted and loyal friends and
employers/employees. Whatever or whomever
they commit to are their sole (and soul)
focus. They love to serve and will give
freely of themselves in order to nurture
BLUES, however, do need to be understood. They have
distinct preferences and occasionally the
somewhat controlling (but always fair)
personality of a confident leader. Their code
of ethics is remarkably strong and they
expect others to live honest, committed lives
as well. They enjoy sharing meaningful
moments in conversation as well as
remembering special life events (i.e.,
birthdays and anniversaries). BLUES are
dependable, thoughtful, nurturing, and can
also be self-righteous, a bit worry-prone,
and emotionally intense. They are like
sainted pit-bulls who never let go of
something once they are committed. When you
deal with a BLUE, be sincere, make an effort
to truly understand them, and truly
appreciate them. What Color Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
|Thursday, January 26th, 2006|
|Tuesday, December 27th, 2005|
So.... I come to find out that after all of my earthly belongings are loaded into the moving truck......my orders have been cancelled. Which means basically, I do not know if I can stay in the Air Force, I do not know where I am going, and all of my shit is in limbo.
I fucking give up. I have my laptop, some clothes, a sleeping bag, a bottle of tequila, and a pistol.
You do the math.
|Monday, December 26th, 2005|
|Bah........oh screw it.
Sitting here pacing and packing......a long strange journey this has been.
Christmas eve and day shifts were tough, lots of sick kids and sick adults. My great potluck that I had planned blew up in my face...we did not get to sit down until 0200. Still, it was good.
Feeling kind of sad right now, have to leave here very soon, leave my AF family. I have cried, will do it again.
Thats enough for now.
|Monday, December 19th, 2005|
This weekend was good. Josh came down to go out and have some cocktails. He and I can BS for hours as long as there is either caffiene or alcohol present. We started at Applebees and then OC's and he picked up the tab for dinner-a belated birthday present, and also his business is doing well, so it is a way to show that off as well. Lane joined us later, which its always hit or miss with him. Manic Depressive does not even begin to describe this guy. But I also was not about to let him ruin my evening, so I quashed his little tantrum early. Travis and Kelly joined us later in the evening, and we ended up closing down the bar, which is conveniently 3 blocks from my house. Woo-hoo. I was a bit "happy" by the end of the night, and I went to bed at about 5, getting woken up no less than 5 times between then and 0900. We got up for chow at about 11, and I think I have already described incredibly annoying guy to you all.
Today was full of outprocessing bullshite. I arrived at the hospital sometime around 0900, and started my trek around the hospital looking for the appointed offices, half of which have changed either staff or location since the checklist was competed. A few of the staff members told me to forge the signatures. I was considering it until 3 of the first 4 offices gave me additional paperwork to go along with the outprocessing. Damn, I was going to have to complete this thing the hard way. So I was going throught the list, and I ran into the woman that turned me in to the hospital for stealing the IV supplies. Hmmm, she should have yet another stripe on her sleeve, but she does not. Also, not wearing her wedding ring. I come to find out that her mother had died in the past 6 weeks, and her father was not doing well either. I did not ask about her husband. For awhile, I thought about doing something malicious to her as payback for what she had done. Then I realized that it was really my own fault for trusting the wrong people, and that Karma would have its way with her. Well, apparently it has. I would not have wished her to go through the pain she is now, but I know that I do not need to do anything to her, life is taking care of that.
I started with the first shirt. I pretty much told him about the frustrations that I have had with certain elements of the base, along with possible solutions. Since Zach is moving back into the dorms, I tried to see what we could do about moving him off base (even though I know I would not really trust him with his finances). Not going to fly. Oh well. At the end of the conversation, the shit shook my hand and thanked me for breing frank and honest with him. "Most people come in here wanting this meeting to be over as soon as possible. Thanks for filling the new guy in on what needs to be addressed here." And I definitely think that he will impliment some changes to make sure that the new Airmen do not get screwed like I have. I have a briefing with the Colonel and the Cheif tomorrow. Chief is more of a polititian, so I can expect much smoke to be blown up my ass about here, lest another base get a wiff of the stink that is at the Academy. The Colonel is a little different. He will sit down, tell me where I have screwed up, but also tell me what I am doing right, and give me advice to excel in those areas. I am going to miss working for a guy like him. No BS, just get the job done, and if you cannot, tell him what you need so he can enable you. He knows that I am not intimidated by him, and that I have a head on my shoulders, so he treats me differently than the other Airmen.
This week I am linking up with Ashley. We are going to have dinner at her house and link up for a movie. Yeah, sounds datish, but it will be platonic. Funny, she is a cute redhead, but she definitely would have been a buddy rather than a mate for some reason. I guess we are not that overly attracted to one another, so it just kind of works that way. Of course, if she wanted help me leave with a smile, I would not mind it ;-).
Friday Woodbury is going to have a cocktail hour at her house. Basically it is her way of repaying me for my undying devotion to her dog. Everyone is invited, but I think only a few will show, which is fine with me. I could take an evening of drinks and dinner and general laziness with good friends. We wll see what happens though. It would be good if Captain D shows up so i could shamelessly hit on her, and then blame it on the alcohol later. Mmmmm, librarian hot......
Mike called today, but of course I was in a shielded hospital, so I did not get his call. This sucks, but it also means he made it through the elections with nary a scratch. It will be good to have him home in 1.5 months.
I need to get a card in express mail tomorrow for Mom. She will understand about the gift situation this year, and I will make it up to her. Perhaps I will get her a quick gift certificate to Amazon.com. This way she can get what she wants, and I can open her up to online shopping. I should feel guilty about this because I am typeing this not on my new Inspiron 9300, but I can justify this through the Dell line of credit, and that I will be using this for some serious studying here in a few months. Adding to that I am too cheap to purchase internet time right now, not buying a coffee at Starbucks here in the Barnes and Noble, and I am waiting until I get home so I can chip away at my food stored I have left at home rather than shell out cash for grub, for I am waiting for the impending screw up to happen with finance.
Zach needs to get his ass moving with getting his stuff out of my apt. If it is not gone, it is getting packed in the truck, and I have told him this. I am not trying to be a dick, it is just critical that he do this and not half-ass it like alot of what he does. Plus he still owes me his part of the rent and 20 from the other weekend, not to mention siphoning most of the beer lately. Yeah, he is my friend, and I do care about the guy, but it is definitely time for us not to live together.
So it has been past the 1.5 hours that it was supposed to take for my car to be fixed. Hmmm, 1/2 hour until they close. My decrepid baby better have everything fixed with it right this time, or a torching might take place at this particlar mechanic. This is my first day on days, so I am a bit lethargic, which does not make my mood the best, so I do not think they want to test it.
Giselle emailed me today saying that she will be spending New Years alone in Berlin this year. Hubby (with paperwork pending)does not want to go. What an idiot. If I were on the same continent it would already be game-set-match. Some people do not know how good they have it until it is gone. Except inthis instance for me, for I knew the minute that when Nicole and Giselle left I would be a sad man. As echoed a thousand times before, god please send me a woman that will not love me then have to leave. Let's have them stick around for more than 6 months at a time, eh?
Alright time for dinner.
|Sunday, December 18th, 2005|
Last night was fun, ended up with about 7 of us at Old Chicago harassing a waitress who was completely hilarious! She also was a complete lesbian, half of her hair shaved and all (I wanted the other one for dessert, not this one ;-) ). My buddy Josh was down from Denver, so he partially bankrolled the evening, for I convinced him that he had sand in his vagina about coming down here, and he missed my birthday. Josh is a really good friend, I think I have known him the longest out of everyone here. I was starting to think that I would not see him before I left, but now I'm good. I have not laughed that hard in a while, I was great! Travis and Kelly joined up with us later, and we all got to tell them about "the other bizarro Travis", another friend of mine now deployed. I will fill you in on him someday, but lets just say he is the type of guy to totally play up the deployment being all secret squirrel to secure some booty (yet another reson why I need to get deployed... ;-). The only thing is that he tried to pull this crap on the rest of us, and we just chuckle silently. I ended up with no less than 3 people crashing at my house. Beer bottles everywhere, and mucho snoring. Much to my dismay, everyone in the world was calling my friggan phone today, so I was a little pooped when I arose from the coffen.
Travis Josh and I went out to the Village idiot today for lunch. We met the most annoying/obnoxious person in the Colorado Springs area, if not the world. He was this overweight middle aged guy with his buddy in the booth across from our table. He had pamphlets all over the table, an ancient laptop, and a cell phone set on "rattle windows loud". He was talking up this exercise program that he was running. You know those late night sales pitches that you here on TV? Imagine that times 5, and with no attractive model to at least hold your interest. He was spouting some garbage about adding all this muscle in this rediculously short amount of time. At first I was just laughing at him to myself, and then we actually burst outloud when he was talking on the phone (loudly of course). He heard us and made some comment like 'people laugh when I tell them about the program, but I am dead serious, guranteed results, but I will tell you.......when it comes down to business I own you in the gym. I OWN YOU!' At this point I added to him 'but wait, theres more, act now and we will include this Ginsu knife set absolutely free!' He was not amused.
Lemme tell you something. There are a few rules I adhere by. One of them is do not take cooking advice from a skinny chef. Another is never let someone who is colorblind decorate your house. Third is.....do not accept advice on health and exercise from an overweight, blading, smoking, sweaty guy. At first he was just comic material, but then he quickly became annoying, just letting the cell phone ring over and over, and then talking overly loud. I was about to get up to go say something to him, but Travis sat me down. Then the prick would just not shut up or keep his voice down, to the point where us and no tables around him could hold a conversation. So I get out of my seat to go over to him......just in time for the manager type guy to walk up to his table. Apparently some one else was not amused either. We cashed out and left. This guy will never no how close he came to death today..... ;-). I laughed all the way out to the car. Man, natural selection is not what it used to be.
2 shofts left, out of here by the 3rd. I have a meeting with the fist shirt tomorow @ 0930, I will be able to start on my outprocessing, and then I will give him a heads up on the "state of the junior enliste guy" at the base. Hopefully I can stop the BS I ended up going through from happening to another guy.
Alright, time ot medicate myself and get on a day shift schedule. G'night all.
|Friday, December 9th, 2005|
|Getting sexually excited over here......
Just got off the phone with Dell. The Indian Gentlemen were very polite and effective.
The mean machine will be here between the 20-22nd of December.
I will feed it and hig it and name it George.
Yea for retail therapy, and the ability to hold down solid food again!
|Thursday, December 8th, 2005|
Ya know, some things you really do not want to know the answer to, when it all comes down to it.
I talked to Giselle for a good deal of time this morning. She is still filing for divorce from her sap of a husband apparently. Some things do not add up, but I would rather not ask questions. All that I know is that even guys in the doghouse are getting more ass than me lately. She told me how for kicks she did a fertilization test on him. Apparently very few off the team are swimming. This is from the guy who wanted to be the stay at home dad. This made me laugh very much so. I have thought once or twice that are kids would look pretty damn cute, and she would refuse to be the fat preggy wife, so it would be an interesting experience. Been down that road before though, and I do not care to go again. But I do. I guess we all have our vices. Some are less harmful than others I guess.
Actually, As far as swimmers go, mine probably are not much better with all the radiation I am around. Almost makes me curious to find out. Almost. But I would love to drive that final nail in the coffen. Well Chris is shooting bullseyes over here, what say you fair maiden? I think I would be a good dad. At least better than most of the idiots procreating that come through my ER. Its either they are idiots and need to give the kid motrin, or they should have brought the kid in several days ago and they need to be hospitalized. No middle ground there.
I get a kick when I talk to her, but like most drugs, there is the downer afterwards. I have been getting over it better, but it is still there. The regret, the doubt, the.....unknown. I made my bed, right? She brought up how I must be leaving a trail of women behind with broken hearts. Not a flattery mind you. 1Half the truth. The women, with few exceptions, seem to leave me, and get sent to far off places, civilian or not. I can name on 3 fingers even slightly bad outcomes that were even remotely my fault. Even Ashley admitted she was the psycho one, and that was the proudest chick I have ever met in my life. I guess that is good, that I do my best not to hurt, but it is also bad, for the list is not as long as I would like it to be. Not for bragging purposes mind you, but more for practice, experience. Dating has never come easily to me, so I feel like I am behind the power curve most times. But I do think I have experienced love just the same....a few times in fact.....where some people cannot say that truthfully at all. A trade-off I guess.
I weighed myself today. 202 lbs. Lost 10, gained back 4. It can stop there for all I care, I am trying for the leaner, sexier M lately. I do not know if there is one, but I finally make the weight for my hieght, and I sure am praying for some abs for Chirstmas. The opposite sex sems to dig them ;-).
Alright, after 29 hours up, time for bed.
Yes, I do feel better, thanks for asking.
|Wednesday, December 7th, 2005|
Dell just gave me a credit line. I am getting to the point where I NEED a laptop. Looky here......
Inspiron 9300 Qty 1
Intel® Pentium® M Processor 740 (1.73 GHz/2MB Cache/533MHz FSB), Genuine Windows® XP Media Center Edition 2005 Unit Price $2,106.00
Select Inspiron affiliate offer save $750 off $1999+ (Affiliate only)
LIMITED TIME OFFER! Remove Coupon
Catalog Number: 29
Module Description Show Details
Inspiron 9300 Intel® Pentium® M Processor 740 (1.73 GHz/2MB Cache/533MHz FSB)
Operating System (Office software not included) Genuine Windows® XP Media Center Edition 2005
Display 17 inch UltraSharp™ Wide Screen UXGA Display with TrueLife™
Memory 1GB Dual Channel DDR2 SDRAM at 533MHz 2 Dimm
Video Card 256MB NVIDA® GeForce™ Go 6800
Hard Drive 60GB 5400rpmHard Drive
Network Card Integrated 10/100 Network Card and Modem
Adobe Software Adobe® Acrobat® Reader 6.0
CD/DVD Drives 8x CD/DVD burner (DVD+/-RW) with double-layer DVD+R write capability
Wireless Networking Card Intel® PRO/Wireless 2200 Internal Wireless (802.11 b/g, 54Mbps)
Office Software (not included in Windows XP) No productivity suite- Corel WordPerfect word processor only
Anti-Virus/Security Suite (Pre-installed) No Security Subscription
Primary Battery 6-cell Lithium Ion Primary Battery (53 WHr)
This bastard would be 1294.95 shipped. I know I could go lighter on the memory, but its a $30 dollar difference vs buying through corsair, and it would be in the financed price. $40 a month. Yep, I can swing that (of course paying more as not to get raped by 30% interest.)
Umm, I could use some retail therapy.....and have this bugger be actually used for work and a comp when I head off to Texas in a few months. I should really hold off, but I do not know when I will be able to take 850 off the price again (thanks fatwallet.com).
It is 0 degrees right now. I have quarter inch thick frost in the INSIDE of my window, above where I just spent the last 11 hours straight sleeping. Stomach still is spasming. That, and I have a night shift to work tonite. Stll have to get the car from the shop. $500 goes on the card. I swear, each time I get some money together, I manage to have something screw up to sap it out of my bank account. The appartment is in shambles, and I have tno desire to clean, this whole thing is getting packed up in three weeks anyways. 3 weeks. You always think you have more time, until it is time to go. I have slept through the past 4 1/2 days, can I start feeling better already so I can be well enough to say goodbye to these people, and leave here not in a crisis?